You know those days where you’re not having a bad day, but you can’t muster up positivity? Where you don’t have a flat tire and you’re on time to work, but it’s still a “bad” morning? These days make you feel guilty because life isn’t necessarily bad, but you can’t shake the black cloud that’s following you around, making matters worse. You’re waiting for happiness but the light you’re seeking is nowhere to be found.
Yesterday was a Black Cloud day.
I was productive at work. Nothing inherently bad happened to me… but there are certain things taking place around me that I have no control over. Some are not that big of a deal, but some are very important. And while on paper, I should at the very least be content, I cannot shake the black cloud that comes with the things I can’t control. It’s like I spend the day waiting for something I can’t control to make me happy. And not even doing anything to make that happen.
The weather outside was just as miserable as my mood when I got home from work yesterday. I crawled into bed and I pulled the covers over my head and was determined to sleep from 4:30 pm until forever. Maybe I even cried a little bit because that’s what I do when I feel overwhelmed and like I am losing control of things.
And as I’ve explained to you before, I stopped myself and said, “what are you doing? “.
I got up and grabbed my notebook, (I’ve been doing much better with keeping up with a journal this time around) I made a list of all of the things that are stressing me out or upsetting me. I took a black marker and crossed out all of the things that I cannot control. And I climbed out of bed and got to work on all of the others.
I sent out an email I’d been dreading to reply to.
I completely cleaned out my laundry room because with three boys in the house, it quickly becomes a source of stress for me.
I ate a healthy meal prepped dinner.
Cleaned out my kitchen cabinets and organized everything.
Put laundry away.
Called my mom because I’d been putting that off too.
And as each item got completed, the weight on my shoulders decreased a little bit more.
You can not and never will be able to control everything in your life. You cannot float idyllically through life and expect happiness to land in your lap. You can, however, take control of the things that are within your power and do what is necessary to find just small pieces of happiness.
Let them add up, let the small steps turn into long walks and eventually, you’ll realize the journey isn’t even as bad as you thought.
Grind & Shine 