One Year Later: What I Learned About Eating Vegetarian

I bought chicken for dinner last night, after one year of not eating meat.

Originally, I was seeking solutions to the constant migraines I was (am) getting. I had tried various other methods of eating in an attempt to assuage the discomfort my migraines delivered. Over the last 4 years, I’ve tried them all. Paleo, whole 30, vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, a REALLY short stint with keto, low carb…. my headaches had me desperate for a nutritional lifestyle that would hopefully solve my problems.

I stuck with plant-based far longer than any other option and learned a lot from it. But…. I won’t be eating this way forever. Here are some of the things I learned, the areas I’ll keep and the parts I’m glad to get rid of.

1: Not eating meat does NOT equate to eating healthy. Oreos are vegan. So are Fritos, bean burritos at Taco Bell and a whole freezer section of artificial burgers and nuggets. This does not mean they are healthy or beneficial to weight loss, your overall health or wellbeing. In most cases, to make up for the non-plant-based ingredients like milk, eggs, or meat, even more ingredients had to be piled in.

2: When I did it right, I felt GOOD. But man, it was hard to do it right. For the first two months of eating plant-based, while I was still excited to learn new things, I my cholesterol dropped from 181 to 150. But then four months later it was back up to 179, and I was feeling sluggish again. My head aches persisted.

3: Some people are jerks. Whether someone consumes meat or not, they harshly judge your decision to not eat it. Other vegans or vegetarians tell you that you’re not good enough because you haven’t cut out cheese entirely or because you didn’t realize and ingredient had palm oil. I joined a few groups on Facebook thinking it would give me recipe ideas and instead it was one of the most harsh and judgemental environments I’ve experienced on social media. I left after a few days because of how negative the groups were. As if your inability to eat completely plant-based made you less of a human than they are. Your value was now diminished because you ate hibachi fried rice with EGGS IN IT ( the humanity!) by mistake. But then when people would see or hear that I wasn’t eating meat, and they gasp in horror like I’m poisoning and depriving myself life’s greatest pleasures.

As if the McDonald’s cheeseburgers they eat were any better for them. The difference is I don’t point this out to others. It reached the point where I was embarrassed to tell people I didn’t eat meat because of the reactions and judgements it garnered. Sigh.

4: There are not enough vegetarian and vegan options in the real world. If I was going to eat at a restaurant, chances were that I was either ordering a couple of side dishes or I was getting some kind of plant-based hamburger. It is very rare to find a restaurant that doesn’t have meat in every menu item, especially where I live. For me, my mission to eat within my guidelines literally induced anxiety in an unfamiliar place. I’d sit in the car googling restaurants and going through their menus trying to find something that would fit my personal preferences only to get more and more frustrated and anxious (hangry). It ruined more than one trip for me.

While I don’t intend to spend my life as a vegan, there are people who are morally tied to this lifestyle, and it’s disappointing how few options they really have. Maybe that’s responsible for some of the bitterness.

5: I saved money. I saved an average of $40-$60 every week not buying meat for my groceries. At first. Then I started adding in the crazy plant based artificial food and was back to normal.

6: You learn to get creative when cooking. One of the most appealing things about eating plant-based was that I truly learned some interesting hacks when preparing food. There are some delicious and creative methods and recipes I’ll use forever now… cashew cheesecake, cauliflower tacos and others like this. I do find that meal prep is easier and I am more likely to choose a healthy option if I can add in chicken or turkey.

So here I am one year later. I’m taking imitrex for migraines MORE often now than I did a year ago and I am so tired, all of the time. And even with 6-7 years of personal training/health coaching and even longer time frame of delving into my own health, something has finally, AT LAST, registered for me.

I don’t owe anyone an explanation or a label for how I want to eat. I do not have to have a title for the nutritional lifestyle I choose to follow. I am not obligated to follow “rules” when I grocery shop for MY family. I don’t have to explain to anyone, not the vegans or the powerlifting community or body builders or vegetarians or even my own doctor why I eat the things I eat.

I want to feel my best. I want less headaches. I want to not be tired after 9 hours of sleep. I want to eat good, beautiful food and be comfortable in my skin at the same time. And all of those things are absolutely available to me if I release the need to fit in a labeled box.

So my invitation to you:

Pay attention to the foods that make you feel good, mentally and physically. Explore which foods trigger bad feelings, or encourage great ones. If you get heartburn every time you eat something, or your stomach hurts afterward, stay away. If you’re full of energy and your skin glows when you eat Certain things, Eat that. THIS WILL BE DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE.

Move every day. Even if it’s just some yoga or a walk.

Explore new foods and learn to make your own. There is a divine and simple pleasure in preparing a meal from scratch. It’s therapeutic.

I’m seeing the paradox now: how unhealthy my relationship with food was even when I was trying to be my healthiest. I was more concerned with identifying with a certain label, that I lost sight of why I started in the first place. It’s unnecessary.

This does not mean that I’ll have donuts for breakfast everyday and Arby’s for dinner.

But It does mean I don’t have to commit to eating any one way, with rules governing my life and mental well being at every meal. 3 times a day, for the rest of my life. I commit, instead, to feeling good.

Meal Prep Shortcuts

One of the components of maintaining where I want to be has been meal prepping. I do not know what I would do some weeks if I didn’t meal prep, I can honestly say that it is what makes or breaks my success in eating for my goals.

Typically I meal prep every other Sunday at a minimum. Ideally it would be every week and sometimes that happens. On weeks it is just myself, I can get the whole weeks worth of food for about $120- $130. Weeks my 3 kids are home will run me $40-$50 more.

Bear in mind that If you are meal prepping, meals out during the day for lunch and dinner aren’t necessary and you’re going to save so much more money that way!

Below is a list of the items that personally, I find necessary if I want to stay on track for meal prepping. It is not a one-size-fits-all prescription but simply a guideline if you find the idea of meal prepping multiple meals intimidating.

• Make a meal plan and matching grocery list

This is the most important part of your prep. Know in advance what you want to make. Write out each recipe on a sheet of paper, list your ingredients and then cross reference it with what you already have at home so you are not buying extra and wasting it. Do not skip this step.

• Keep it Simple

When I first started meal prepping it was all about making the most elaborate and complicated meals I could find. End it would take me in excess of four or five hours to complete one prep. Why… ? I don’t know. I don’t have an answer for you I just know that it isn’t necessary so keep your recipes simple to avoid being overwhelmed when you prep.

• Opt for frozen or pre cut veggies and fruits

This was a hard step for me to take because I felt like if I was getting pre-sliced or frozen foods, that I was cheating myself somehow. Don’t be a martyr. If there’s a way to make the work a little easier, take it. While frozen foods typically come out a little less expensive, you will find that pre-cut fruits and vegetables appear higher in cost. I don’t feel that this is true because you can still end up with a considerable amount of waste when you cut the fruits and vegetables yourself… Especially if you are paying by the pound, that’s going to inevitably waste money. Also consider that your time is valuable as well. And microwaving steam bags and not having to slice stuff up is literally going to cut your prep time in half.

• Don’t try to cook everything at one time

Maybe this rule only applies to people like me who are easily distracted. I try to have one thing in the oven, one in the microwave, and two on the stove top. Anything more than that and I tend to forget that certain things are cooking, 20 minutes later I realize somethings burning and I’ve wasted money. Don’t be like me.

• Purchase containers that are uniform and match

The containers shown in my picture below came from Amazon but I’ve also found them at Walmart recently. They are very inexpensive, microwavable, and hold plenty of food. The best part is that you can stack 30 to 40 of them on one shelf in one spot and all of the lids will fit right on top. It is so much less stressful when you don’t have to rummage around for Tupperware’s and matching lids! You can find them on Amazon.

• Wash dishes as you go

I promise you will not regret washing your dishes as you go along. Waiting until the end of your meal prep to wash everything at once is going to be just as overwhelming as cooking it all at once.

THINGS THAT DON’T REHEAT WELL

vegetable pastas

Fish (this is perhaps a personal preference)

Eggs (I don’t mind this, but I’ve heard many other people say they hate it)

Steak or tenderloin, (beef cuts like this tend to become over cooked and rubbery when reheated in the microwave. I do not find the ground beef does this so it is usually the beef that I will choose for meal prep, if any)

Some Foods that are wrapped or made with tortillas. This includes quesadillas or burritos, the tortillas become soggy when reheated. The same applies to pizzas and flatbreads so if I have a healthy recipe of any of these I save it for dinner when I can eat it fresh.

THINGS I HAVE TO HAVE WHEN I PREP

parchment paper (I roast almost all of my vegetables if I don’t microwave them)

Chicken breast

Ground turkey

Cauliflower rice

Broccoli

Sweet potatoes

Onion

Olive oil

Garlic

All of my dishes clean and ready

Glass of wine and my favorite playlist

The most critical part of a successful mealprep is to have a plan. Two of the reasons I hear most often for people wanting to try this are to make better choices when they eat and to help save money. Having an idea what you are cooking and buying in advance will greatly assist you in doing both of these things.

Don’t let a meal prep overwhelm you. While it can be slightly time-consuming in the short term, the amount of time and money you will save throughout the week more than make up for it.

You’ll see the last item on the list of things I need is a glass of wine and a good playlist…. Don’t underestimate things like this. Creating your meals for the week can become an act of self care. Complete it knowing that you are setting yourself up for success and making the best choices possible for you, your health, and that of anyone sharing the meals with you. Make it a part of your weekend that separates you from reality and nurtures your soul, it does not have to be a chore. Turn it into something you look forward to and you will never look back!

Black Cloud Days

You know those days where you’re not having a bad day, but you can’t muster up positivity? Where you don’t have a flat tire and you’re on time to work, but it’s still a “bad” morning? These days make you feel guilty because life isn’t necessarily bad, but you can’t shake the black cloud that’s following you around, making matters worse. You’re waiting for happiness but the light you’re seeking is nowhere to be found.

Yesterday was a Black Cloud day.

I was productive at work. Nothing inherently bad happened to me… but there are certain things taking place around me that I have no control over. Some are not that big of a deal, but some are very important. And while on paper, I should at the very least be content, I cannot shake the black cloud that comes with the things I can’t control. It’s like I spend the day waiting for something I can’t control to make me happy. And not even doing anything to make that happen.

The weather outside was just as miserable as my mood when I got home from work yesterday. I crawled into bed and I pulled the covers over my head and was determined to sleep from 4:30 pm until forever. Maybe I even cried a little bit because that’s what I do when I feel overwhelmed and like I am losing control of things.

And as I’ve explained to you before, I stopped myself and said, “what are you doing? “.

I got up and grabbed my notebook, (I’ve been doing much better with keeping up with a journal this time around) I made a list of all of the things that are stressing me out or upsetting me. I took a black marker and crossed out all of the things that I cannot control. And I climbed out of bed and got to work on all of the others.

I sent out an email I’d been dreading to reply to.

I completely cleaned out my laundry room because with three boys in the house, it quickly becomes a source of stress for me.

I ate a healthy meal prepped dinner.

Cleaned out my kitchen cabinets and organized everything.

Put laundry away.

Called my mom because I’d been putting that off too.

And as each item got completed, the weight on my shoulders decreased a little bit more.

You can not and never will be able to control everything in your life. You cannot float idyllically through life and expect happiness to land in your lap. You can, however, take control of the things that are within your power and do what is necessary to find just small pieces of happiness.

Let them add up, let the small steps turn into long walks and eventually, you’ll realize the journey isn’t even as bad as you thought.

Contentment in the Healing

There are so many reasons a person might need healing beyond the obvious physical ailments. Addiction, dangerous relationships, disordered eating… The list sadly continues.

Personally, my healing is from a toxic, depressive, and dangerous mindset that held me hostage for a very long time. While we may have opened the door to make discussing and sharing a mental illness with others more acceptable, that still does not give one all of the necessary tools to appropriately deal with it.

Having come from an uncomfortably dark place myself, and essentially BY myself because sharing it wouldn’t have been received well, I feel it’s important to get the methods and tools that have been helpful to those of us who have moved forward out there to other people, who may feel “stuck” or alone.

This is a concept that I wish I’d known so much sooner. When you’re working towards shifting your mindset, especially early on, A bad day can feel like failure. You can go for three or four days and think you are back on track and then hit the ground in an emotional implosion on day five. That day five will make you feel like you are at the very beginning again.

That is not the case. Simply the fact that you’re actively working on pulling yourself out of that hole is progress. Every single day that you choose joy, even when it feels impossible, is a victory.

Don’t let the bad days consume you, rather sit with them, accept them and acknowledge them for what they are. Singular, 24 hour time frames where you can start over tomorrow. Finding a middle ground between the good and the bad days is where every day life lives.

Find the beauty and contentment in all of the above.

Confessions of an Ex- Self Destroyer (Finding your Spark)

Flatter tummy… toned legs… big booty… look good in a bikini. GOALS! This was exactly why I started to work out. This was my paltry list of goals. I shake my own head when I recall this, so it’s ok for you to do the same.  But eight years ago, when I found myself 60-70 pounds heavier than my current weight, I was determined only to wear the size 5 I could fit before 3 kids. I was going to look so “fit” it made everyone jealous and I was going to do it by not eating and working out daily, maybe twice a day. What. A. Plan.

It didn’t work, obviously. Not because I didn’t lose weight, I did. It didn’t work because the reason I wanted those things, the whole reason I wanted to look good, and have a flat stomach, the reason I wanted to weigh less, was to feel good about myself. I wanted those things, so that I could feel worthy and valuable.  It was as though, in my mind, every pound lost added to another dollar on my own personal price tag.

Since then, it’s indescribable how my outlook has shifted, and that’s why I want to share this. One of the best things I ever did in relation to my health was to hold myself more accountable in things unrelated to how I look. Throughout the course of a tumultuous few years of life, I reevaluated my priorities and why I wanted to be healthy.

I should note, I don’t mean just my weight. I mean real health; balanced blends of mental, emotional, & physical health that foster an environment of self-love, and allow you to give to others and remain full yourself. It’s the kind of healthy that encompasses everything you do, and guides you to make better choices in every facet of life.

While some painfully challenging things had to happen for me to wake up and say “WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!” it doesn’t have to be that way for everyone.

That is why I am sharing this. These are things that motivate me. These are the things that wake me up at 4:30 am to do yoga or meditate, to plan my day so I can have enough time for a run or hit the gym. They’re why I turn down sweet tea and cake most of the time. These are my sparks. They are the things that ignite a fire in me, even when I don’t understand how I will find the fuel to keep it going.

I encourage you, especially if you’re struggling to stay on track, to find your own sparks, something that has nothing to do with how you look. Something that says YES, You need to be healthy, but you are WORTHY no matter what. Find the reasons that push you that say, I’m doing this BECAUSE I am valuable, not to make me become valuable.

Read that again: take care of yourself and your health because you are already so incredibly valuable, not to make you become valuable.

My reasons?

I want to see where these three amazing boys make it in life. I want to be there to see them drive, graduate, get married, and to babysit my grandbabies. I want to be around as long as possible so they always have their biggest cheerleader in their corner.

I want to have the energy to create and plan and bring amazing things into this world. I want the ability and clarity to handle my career with the relentlessness and ambition of someone who won’t ever give up.

I want to have a high quality of life as I age. I want to be sure that I have done my part to monitor my health so that I stand a fighting chance should there be a day when something I CANNOT control comes my way.

I want to see everything this beautiful, amazing world has to offer.

How can you be bored? How can you be unmotivated in a world as vast and brilliant as this one? Make your spark your focus. Get your priorities together, and get moving. You’re worth more than allowing your own mind to cheat you out of living your best life.

Why football is life. (It’s not why you think)

If you’ve spent any time around me, you know that I love the game of Football. The physicality, team dynamics, and sport psychology in general are all fascinating to me. But moreover, in the past few years, I’ve drawn an audible (see what I did there?) analogy for football as it relates to life.

In the game of football, as in life, you have varying levels of involvement. You’ve got spectators, people in the bleachers. You have coaches, trainers, and individuals in positions of leadership with mentor qualities, and you have a team.

Then there’s you. You’re the quarterback. In your daily life, you make the passes. You decide when to pass, when to hold it, when to release. Sometimes you have to scramble and some days, a corner comes in from out of nowhere and you take a hit that knocks you completely off your feet. But you get back up, because you have another play coming.

The spectators sit in the stands. Sometimes they cheer for you. They paint their faces to show their commitment (because you’re winning) and they are so exhilarated by your progress. They proudly wear your number on your back and a sticker on their car. Until you start losing. They bad mouth you, “boo” you from the stands when you miss a pass or make a bad play. They sit in the bleachers and judge your every movement, all the while having no idea what it is you’re up against on your playing field.

Some of the spectators aren’t even cheering for your team. They are wearing the Garnet and Gold to your Orange and Blue and they want you to lose so much they can’t stand it. The Seattle Seahawks fans make so much noise and fill the stadium with such a raw energy, which causes such an impact on their opponents, that they’re dubbed Seattle’s “12th Man”… And don’t we all have a 12th man whose words and actions can make us falter even when we feel our most confident? Don’t we all have people who know the words to say and things to do that can distract us and make us lose focus on what’s REALLY important? They are so loud and it is overwhelming at times and we lose sight of the game in front of us. We fall apart at the hands of our own personal “12th men”.

Down on the playing field, scattered along the sidelines, you have coaches & trainers. They are people who are there to teach, lead &instruct. These are our mentors, the people we look up to. For lots of kids it is actual coaches. For adults it can be people who inspire us, those who motivate and give us the tools we need to succeed. They help us to create a playbook and game plan so we aren’t stumbling around blindly. They are integral to our success and sometimes, choosing the wrong one can be toxic to our progress as well. We should choose our teachers, coaches and advisors wisely.

You also have teammates on your sidelines, not quite in the game, but available. Most of them are there to help. They are not always present but sometimes, when relief is needed, they can be called in. These are your acquaintances. They are around for a good time even if not all of them have the same priorities as you, or the same goals. You will run into some of them who make the team weaker with drama or because they don’t pull their own weight. It may not even be intentional; they just don’t have the same vision as you. These people are your second stringers, your backups, & we all know these types of people in real life.

Finally, you have your starters. You can’t make it without them. These are your people. Your home team and when everything else is going wrong and you’re having a Cleveland Brown’s kind of season; these people have your back. You know, unequivocally, who these individuals are in your life. When you need to step back into the pocket, they are there. When it’s time to pull out a Hail Mary, they are in the end zone, ready to win it all right beside you. They lose with you, build with you, sweat and cry with you. When you botch a play or fumble the football, they are the first to jump and cover it. And for your biggest wins, they are the first to set you on their shoulders and cheer for you. I really could go on and on here.

There are so many different people who influence our lives on a daily basis. Your starters are going to be there for you regardless of the decisions you make. HOLD THEM CLOSE, they matter SO much.  Thank them, love them and make sure you are there for them just as they are for you.

Choose your coaches wisely, and be coachable. Surround yourself with people you can learn from and be coachable, be open to taking in new information and growing from those positive influences.

As for those folks in the bleachers? Take in the praise with humility and pride. Accept the constructive criticism gracefully… but never, EVER let that 12th man win. Don’t let the people, who aren’t even there for YOUR team, determine the outcome of your game. Their chants, distractions and antagonism is just noise. It can only affect you if you allow it to.

The negative people aren’t going anywhere. They don’t want to see you win, so it is up to you to stay in the pocket, behind your starters, focus on your target, and throw the ball.

Forward Movement

We aren’t always able to correlate certain feelings in our life with events that are happening. We can’t always instantaneously identify situations that are impacting the way out daily routines shift and change. A negative experience or emotion in one facet of life easily influences other areas and we don’t even realize and When this happens, it’s a natural reaction to feel anxious, overwhelmed, scared and exhausted. I know this because, let’s be honest, I live it frequently.

I am an emotional person. I get teary-eyed when a funeral passes by, regardless of whether I knew the departed or not. I often let TV commercials and shows move me to actual empathy for on-screen personality’s heartbreak or dilemma.

So it was no surprise that the end of a milestone school year for two of my three boys had me in shambles emotionally. My youngest will head into his final year of elementary school next year. My middle son is going to be traversing the awkward, treacherous journey that is middle school; and my oldest heads confidently to high school to pursue a future in one of the interesting fields he’s chosen as a potential career.

For the last three years, I’ve held these pieces together as a single parent on one income. We’ve learned how to become an entirely new family, overcome some of the hardest battles we’ve had to date, and we are tougher, stronger and better for all of it. And I am so unbelievably proud of it. There was just one problem.

I was a freaking wreck about it. I’m well aware that my job as a parent is to enable my children to become productive, caring and successful (using the word “successful” loosely because I do believe success is a relative thing and different for everyone) individuals. It’s my job to ensure there aren’t three extra assholes roaming the planet when they each turn 18. So far, we are on track for all of those things. I should have been excited that I’m accomplishing my goal and that my children are successful.

Really, I am excited about it. But here’s what I have learned. When one facet of my life is out of sequence, when something is changing or uprooting or settling or all of the above it directly impacts my entire life.

Not only do I feel anxious about my children getting older and gaining more independence, but those anxious thoughts bleed over into my work mindset as well. Not only am I overwhelmed at all the coordination required to attend all of the necessary school functions, but that in turn overwhelms me with all of the other commitments that I have.

Circumstances can trigger thoughts. Thoughts cause feelings. Feelings result in actions. And actions cause results. There’s an endless amount of fascinating research regarding thought process and how our mindset influences our actions.

I personally know from experience not only with myself but with other people who I have worked with in training and help coaching that our mind can be our biggest enemy. And this cycle is one of the simplest ways to describe the phenomenon.

The circumstance: my kids are stepping into new grades, schools and experiences.The thoughts: they will have more independence and will be subject to new challenges.The feelings: (here comes the can of worms) I’m frightened because with this newfound independence could come new mistakes, I’m overwhelmed because I’m not sure what to expect either. I’m anxious because I want them to be successful. I feel sad because my kids are that much closer to being on their own. There’s a lot more. We don’t need to go into it. The Actions: Panic. Because that’s exactly what we do when we are overwhelmed and anxious and are not in the right mindset to control it. Maybe over react to small situations because I’m on edge and anxious. (And cry…Because I’m sad)

The result: Pure chaos, disorder and frustration in my life because I’m panicking and on edge.

It is no way to live. So what options do we have? Sure, we can wallow in our self pity. We can make vague social media posts that urge others to say “what’s wrong?”. Or, we can find a solution.

This next part is truly mind blowing. It is so obvious that I can’t believe I haven’t been applying it all along. Take a look at that cycle and how we go from circumstances to results. Now work backwards.

The idea is to change things until you can’t anymore… when I look at what causes the results, It is my actions. Can I change those? Yes, I can. My feelings cause my actions, I can also reign those in. Because my thoughts are what controls my actions. That’s where the buck stops. Because I cannot change the circumstances.

Sometimes you will be able to change the circumstances. Sometimes you will only be able to change your results. But the trick is to find where the gap is in the way you deal with things.

So I take the CIRCUMSTANCES and I change my THOUGHTS but them. I think about it realize how lucky I am to have three amazing kids and I reflect on how hard I’ve worked and how proud I FEEL of myself and my family. This pride motivates me to work harder in the future, and create ACTIONS that will help me flourish in months and years to come. And the RESULTS? You can see where this is going.

Change your thoughts, change your mindset… change your life.

Grain free peanut butter trash can cookies

I can stand my ground against salty foods and chips. I look at a fried delicacy and turn the other cheek without batting an eyelash. But up against sweets like cookies and brownies… I am defenseless.

It’s pathetic. So I have spent time collecting healthier alternative recipes for my favorites.

My favorite cookie is a grain free peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. And I lost the recipe [sigh]. Tonight I searched every Pinterest board I have and scrolled through countless recipes from Instagram and nothing.

So I decided to wing it. Best. Decision. Ever.

I present to you:

Grain free peanut butter trash can cookies

2 cups peanut butter

1 cup coconut sugar (may sub for brown sugar)

1 egg

1 tbsp vanilla extract

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 cup dark chocolate chips

1/2 cup chopped pecans

1/2 cup shredded unsweetened coconut

Preheat your oven to 350°. In a small bowl, combine the Coconut or brown sugar and egg. In a separate bowl, stir all other ingredients, besides the last three, together. Once blended, stir in the egg and sugar mixture. Do not over stir. Mix until just blended and then add your final three ingredients. Fold those in carefully. Place your cookie dough into the fridge for 15 to 20 minutes. Remove from the fridge and roll into 1 to 1 1/2 inch balls. Place 1-2″ apart on a parchment lined cookie sheet. I like to create a little crisscross pattern in the top with a fork like a regular peanut butter cookies. Bake for approximately 12 minutes. Do not over cook! They will need to completely cook before you can handle them.

Enjoy!

Clean Closets and Authentic Lives

I have this closet in my house. It’s only about 3 feet wide and 5 feet deep and it is full of shelves. The light doesn’t work, my boys pulled the chain out of the fixture last year. This closet, no matter how clean the remainder of my house is, is complete and utter chaos. It is 7 years’ worth of “I don’t know where to put this so stick it in the closet”. Finally, yesterday, I tackled the chore of cleaning it. It was like the wardrobe to Narnia.

 I found papers from when my kids were still young enough to make cute Santa Clauses with cotton ball beards and maracas out of paper cups. I found pictures, old bills (boring) vases and decorations and Christmas lights and a native American long bow (wait.. what?) and a box of scrapbooks and journals from ten years of marriage. Fun.

 Most of it didn’t even phase me to be honest, my divorce is old news and while I do sometimes miss my boys being little, I am learning to relish the phase of their lives we’re in now since we can’t go backwards in time. But one book stood out from the rest, and it was a journal circa 2010/2011.  

 I have always started journals with the intentions of creating some type of memoir that surely SOMEONE wants to read when I die but 3 days later I realize I’m actually pretty boring and I abandon the journal over to my kids so they can draw truck pictures in it. But this one, it was different. The very first page posed the question:

“Am I leading an Authentic Life”

 And the answer, almost 8 years ago, was a resounding “No“. I have no idea what made me ask the question, I’m sure I read a book or saw the question somewhere, I don’t know… but I broke into a 4 page rant about what I wanted from my life. I commiserated and pleaded with myself to figure out what exactly it was that I wanted. I recognized that while I loved my family, I needed to have a reaching and lasting impact on something, anything. I mentioned, more than once, how unhappy I was with my body physically, and with my health and well being in general.

 It was basically me listing every single that, up until that point, I blamed on other people.

 Now I have mentioned many times that in the past, I had to own up to my own issues and grow. But I don’t think I’ve ever had as clear of a vision of how I did that than when I read this journal. For nearly 6 months, I wrote almost daily. I brainstormed ways to take the things I loved doing and creating. I took notes about the things every single day that made me happy.

 I created financial, career, health and fitness, and parenting goals. I painted a verbal picture of what I wanted to be, who I wanted to be. I forgave myself on the bad days and I praised myself for my successes. Looking back, this is the time in my life when I began investing time volunteering, I started planning events, taking family pictures and considering what I wanted to do for a career. I began to focus on positive thinking, I took note of toxic people.

 I think that I reached a point, where I began to outgrow things. I lost people. I moved in a different direction than some I was close to. But I also gained people, and I learned so many things about what I will tolerate in my life. I learned that those who don’t encourage my growth were never meant to stay and that is perfectly fine. The people who are meant to be in my life will cheer for me no matter the season or growth (or even regression) I experience.

 I realized yesterday, that I have cultivated almost exactly the life I wanted. I have ended up, ironically (Or maybe not as ironic as I think) in a position where I get to plan events, take pictures and train people ALL IN THE SAME WEEK, while watching my kids grow into amazing young men.  I have reached a point where I can have a bad day and fully accept it, because I know I am strong and capable. I have come to the conclusion that every single day, I can face whatever comes next. Because I’ve built myself from the very bottom of a dirt covered floor more than once before, and I can and will do it again.

 And it all started with one question.

 So what about you? Are you living an authentic life? Are you living a life that speaks to others about who you are? What your goals and desires are? Are you living a life that says “This is who I am and I am proud of that”? One that enhances the lives of others while creating a masterpiece of your own? There is nothing in this entire world that can stop you from answering this question with a confident and exuberant “Yes”. And that is you. Take ownership. Make a list, make a plan, hold your head up high and decide who you are. Build from wherever you are and never stop. There’s nothing in this world like cleaning out a messy closet, and starting fresh with an entirely new outlook on life.

 

Anti Quick Fix Rant

Real food vs supplements 
Fact: while there is a place for supplementation in the nutritional lifestyle of certain people (a small, specialized population) for most, every nutrient you need can be obtained from just eating real food. In fact, getting the micronutrients your body needs is typically even MORE effective when you get it from real food rather than a supplement. (Real food meaning minimally processed veggies, fruit, meat… stuff you don’t open a can or box to eat)

When you take a supplement, specialized or otherwise, you are cutting out many of the ingredients that, in nature, work together with the key ingredient to increase its bioavailability and the efficiency within your body. You can’t build a house using just wood, you’ve got to have the nails, the hammer, all the tools and accessories necessary to do it correctly. Your body works the same way. 
In some cases, certain supplements contain ridiculous amounts of nutrients that are easily obtained otherwise. When this happens, your body excretes them all via your urine. So when you pay $100 or more per month for all of these vitamins, you have essentially purchased expensive urine.

In addition, there are more and more studies showing the dangers of over taxing your body with some of the vitamins that would otherwise be consumed in a safe amount if you had just eaten an orange to get your vitamin C. 

The point is this.. before you begin self medicating with the latest and greatest “health” trend, take a look at your nutritional lifestyle. Are you eating as clean as you could be? Are you honestly giving yourself the nutrition that you need to have energy, lose weight or reach any other goals you might have? Unless you are fueling your body properly on a daily basis, no amount of supplementation is going to render sustainable, life long change. Eat to fuel, eat real food. It’s that simple. 
FYI: these facts are also scientifically proven, unlike the claims of many supplements 😉 and the specific population refers to people with illnesses and the elderly whose bodies may not be able to absorb nutrients due to poor or deteriorating health.